What's going through my mind...

So lately I have been thinking a lot of relationships...mainly my relationship with Jonathan. So we broke up about a month ago I guess, and things have been fine. I am happy without him, but yet I still love to see him, and talk to him. It's like I just want someone to have to call, or someone to hang out with. I want that spot filled, or something like that. So it's almost like I don't want to be with him, because I'm not unhappy without him, but I want someone to talk to and see, like being that are dating would. BUT, I don't want to just call anyone, or see anyone, I want to see him, and call him. So then I think, maybe it's a good thing, maybe this is a way of showing that I do want to be with him, since I don't want anyone else. I don't know if these thoughts are good or bad. I don't know if they mean we shouldn't be together, or if we should. It really messes with my head. I don't know what to think, or do. I am fine without him, if we should be together should I long for him more? Just I miss him more? I mean, I do miss him, and oh boy do I long for him, but really, I am just fine. It seems to me, that if we were supposed to be together/should be together, then I wouldn't be able to be just fine, and wouldn't be taking this so easily. Am I a horrible person? Should we really not be together? Or is this normal? Does this make me strong? What?!?! I do love him, I do want to marry him, and I feel like I'm so sure of these things, but then this happens and I wonder if it's really supposed to work.....or what.

Love...

So honestly, I really don't know what I want to write about, just something about my relationship and love. Today (yesterday now I guess-October 24th) is/was Jonathan's 21st birthday, and you know what this amazing man did? He took me to see High School Musical:3. Now, honestly, why would any man want to do that on his birthday? It isn't like he loves to HSM movies, or anything, I think it's because he loves me. Really. I do. Jonathan and I have been having some rough times lately. A lot of fighting, over what the other does, or does not do. I criticize, and he doesn't have a sense of time. But this morning it hit me, I love him for him. And I haven't loved him for him. He likes weird things, he has weird friends (most of them), he has an excuse for everything, he's always late, he waits to the last minute to do his homework, he doesn't manage him time at all. But I fell in love with this man two years ago, and why, because he is who he is. I may not like all those things, and think he needs to change them, but they make up him, they make him who he is, and if I love him, for some odd reason, then I love him for who he is. I love HIM. Not the idea of him, not the idea of who he may become, not the idea of what we will be, not the image that he will be this man I will marry who will automatically be this incredible guy once we get married. Honestly, he won't. He will still be Jonathan Isaac Wills, but I will love him. Sometimes, he is selfish, and he doesn't really LOVE me, he may have love for me, but he doesn't love me. But I realize that he does love me. He took me, just some girl, to a movie, that he wouldn't go see if he had a choice of a few, and dealt with it. First of all, that's great for anyman to do that for his girl, but on his birthday. Come on. Now that is love.

I really hope Jonathan reads this, because I want him to know that I really accept him for who he is. I love him. I want to marry him, I really realized a lot today, and I hope it can change a lot of arugments and problems in our relationship.
Jonathan: I am madly in love with you, and I cannot wait to marry you. I hope you truly know that I love you, and that you felt it today and had a great birthday. I wanted it to be a special, special day for you. You're the best!! And simply, I love you and forever want to be with you.

Starting a Blog

So I have been meaning to start a blog for a while now, I just haven't had the time or motivation to sit down and do it. Heck, I don't have the time now, but I'm procrastinating a little more, and losing more sleep, so what, sleep and homework are not important at all, they just consume my life!!!

So, mainly, I'm just going to write in here, and tell the people that want to know how things are going. I'm going to tell about things that are bothering me, going on in my life, and overall how things are. So whenever I need to vent, or get some things off my chest, I will turn to this. At least this is the plan. We'll see how it goes.

So, I hope you guys read it often, and get something out if it, at some point or another.

God Bless!